Every man wants to feel like a God in his relationship/
We all want to know that we are appreciated, that we are loved, that we are valued for who we are and not just what we do.
It's not a big request.
It doesn't take any special skills or high tech gadgetry to make the one you love feel SPECTACULAR on any given day.
No, it is by merely sprinkling your conversations with these simple statements;
(1) I love you.
There. Simple. A complete sentence all on it's own...... and yet we are often stingy with it's use. We think it . We feel it. But we hesitate to say it as though we could use up all it's juicy goodness by using it too often.
Trust me, we all need to say it and hear it far more often that we are at present. So next time you feel all that gushy, juiciness building inside your heart, let it out. Bathe your darling with those words as often as possible ( it's always possible)
On a side note: stop saying I love this thing or that thing. Love is for people .... not things.
(2) I'm sorry.
We all make mistakes but we don't always apologise for them..... and we should, especially with our significant other.
My darling and I were shifting furniture the other day ( well he was shifting it and I was directing where it should go). It's something I like to do regularly to shift the energy in the room and something he goes along with because he loves me.
Anyway at some point, late in the day I got snippy with him ( I bet you thought it would be the other way around right? and no it's not all peaches and cream, sunshine and rainbows over here. I can be a right bitch at times, shocking, I know)
Bless him, he just carried on shifting things and walked out of the room. When he came back I apologised because I was just being mean, for no good reason. So next time you mess up ( and you will because we all do) apologise. Just say those three little words - I am sorry.
(3) Thank you.
Yes, we are back to gratitude. Thank you darling for taking out the trash. Thank them for cooking you dinner. Thank them for getting the car serviced. Thank them for making you breakfast ... and lunch. Thank them for making you a cup of tea. Thank them for being part of your life.
Thank them for anything.
Thank them for everything.
Sounds simple but it is oh so effective.
(4) Can I help you with that?
Again very simple but also very effective.
Offering to help shows the other person that you are paying attention. You can see that, perhaps, they are struggling with something; wrestling with the kids trying to get them into their pajamas while helping Miss 5 with her homework or talking on the phone and trying to ensure that the potatoes don't boil dry.
In reality this one doesn't even need to be said. Instead you can just pitch in and start helping.
And ladies, this goes for you too. sometimes our blokes are so busy doing their bloke thing and yet they could still use a hand maybe to fetch them the right tool so that don't have to be getting up and down off the ladder or up and down out from under the truck ( or sink or wherever other blokey job is taking place).
By offering to help you are letting the other person know that you are there for them when they need you.
(5) I see you.
This is another one of those statements that you don't necessarily say.
Every body wants to be seen for who they truly are. Not the "I'm doing fine"mask that a lot of us wear just to get through the day. But the real us, the authentic "I've been to hell and back and survived and here are my scars" us.
If we are loved enough for this"us", it shines out of us and we grow ever more confident in ourselves.
Let your partner know that you really see them for who they are and not how you think they should be. Acknowledge their past hurts and let them know that you are here to help them heal and not to inflict more damage to them.
(6) You are beautiful. Inside and out
Ladies love to hear that you think they are beautiful, gorgeous, talented beings.
Men love to hear that you think they are sexy and handsome.
My husband tells me everyday in a million little ways that he thinks I am the hottest thing he has ever seen.
How does that make me feel? Like the hottest thing, ever.
(7) I remember when.....
Sharing the first time you kissed . Or the first time you went on a date or the first anything, really keeps the spark of romance alive. It reignites all those emotions you felt then; the flutter in your stomach, the catch in your throat, the excitement of being in love.
Looking back, in love, helps you move forward with renewed passion.
Looking back at all the mistakes however, and dragging them back up to be revisited, not so much. In fact that is a surefire way to head straight for the divorce courts!
(8) I just called to hear the sound of your voice.
With the advent of texting we often forget the joy of hearing our beloveds voice on the end of the phone. Sure a text is a quick, efficient way to keep in touch but nothing beats the sound of your honey on the end of the phone.
(9) Let's have sex
I read an article the other day that said that 1 in 7 relationships are now sexless. ( take your time to read that again)
One in Seven.
Now this makes me unbearably sad.
What was even sadder is that these relationships were between people in their 30's and 40's
. I know we all buy into the myth ( it's a MYTH, people!) that sex stops at a certain age. Poor old Miley thinks that age is 40. Sadly for some people, she is right.
I know our lives are busy and days ( sometimes weeks) go by without stopping for the delicious interlude of sex, but it is a slippery slope to No -Sex -land. In all the cases mentioned in the above article sex either petered out ( pun intended) or stopped altogether in one fell swoop.
Sex, like hugging or other nonsexual touch, releases oxytocin which is a hormone that helps us to feel bonded and emotionally connected to each other. Once sex is off the table other touching goes too and then you feel less and less connected to your partner and before long you are drifting in opposite directions.
All it takes is for one partner to keep the flame flickering by instigating sex. Asking for it while still clothed and going about your daily routine plants the seed that this might be on the agenda and anticipation builds arousal better than any pill.
(10) Let's go do ( insert favorite shared activity) together.
Spending time togeher is vital for a great relationship to thrive. Doing things together whether it is going to dinner, going to movies, gardening, or working on a project together builds a sense of togetherness and kinships.
Asking to spend time together lets the other partner know that you enjoy their company and look forward to spending time with them. This, in turn, makes them feel special. And we all want to feel special, right?
What do you think? What would you add to the list? Leave me a comment with your additions below.
If you are having issues in your relationship and want some help check out the Services page to book a session.